I am re-reading an AWESOME book right now on parenting. It is called Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D. If you know me well you know books are a huge part of our family.
As I was reading, I was given new eyes & new ears. The themes that popped up: powerlessness & attachment in your child—my child. Both of these relate to any family but even more so for the adoptive family. The author used the description of filling a cup for understanding attachment & that children who are normally attached are able to go to their parents for refills when they get empty. He also described a leaky cup, where despite the refills there is a constant emptiness & need for refilling. He continued on to provide examples--which is where my heart saddened. As I read I saw symptoms of that leaky cup in my beloved D. Mama Bears do not like finding out about deep Baby Bear hurts! I cannot beat myself up for not knowing or doing a better job, however, I am thankful that God prompted me to re-read with fresh eyes.
The premise of the book is that more often than not we as parents try to get our children to relate to our way of thinking as adults instead of relating to them in their language & communication of play.
Next steps? A LOT MORE PURPOSEFUL PLAY going on in the B-Fam! What does that look like you ask…
Well one thing is in his response to his own anger/frustration in running away. I’m calling a new play. (Sorry couldn’t resist the pun!) We’ve tried a number of different things but really it hit me that instead of keeping it emotional, which is what I feel like we have done as parents by talking or trying to identify feelings, we need to make it a playful time where he can be confident of being refilled in his language not ours. Get ready for a lot more FEE FI FO FUM at our house & anywhere else necessary – Friends beware!
Another is having a more focused reconnection time w/Papi after work. This will probably take place in the form of wrestling or hide & seek and you know the secret weapon…TICKLING!

A charge to any parent reading...adoptive or biological...it is NEVER too late & always appropriate to pour more love into your child!

My parental must reads relevant to any family but especially so for adoptive families (If you have kids now I suggest reading in this order if you are newly adopting I would reverse it.):
Connected Parenting: Set Loving Limits and Build Strong Bonds with Your Child for Life by Jennifer Kolari
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
I Love You Rituals by Becky A. Bailey