I am re-reading an AWESOME book right now on parenting. It is called Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D. If you know me well you know books are a huge part of our family.
As I was reading, I was given new eyes & new ears. The themes that popped up: powerlessness & attachment in your child—my child. Both of these relate to any family but even more so for the adoptive family. The author used the description of filling a cup for understanding attachment & that children who are normally attached are able to go to their parents for refills when they get empty. He also described a leaky cup, where despite the refills there is a constant emptiness & need for refilling. He continued on to provide examples--which is where my heart saddened. As I read I saw symptoms of that leaky cup in my beloved D. Mama Bears do not like finding out about deep Baby Bear hurts! I cannot beat myself up for not knowing or doing a better job, however, I am thankful that God prompted me to re-read with fresh eyes.
The premise of the book is that more often than not we as parents try to get our children to relate to our way of thinking as adults instead of relating to them in their language & communication of play.
Next steps? A LOT MORE PURPOSEFUL PLAY going on in the B-Fam! What does that look like you ask…
Well one thing is in his response to his own anger/frustration in running away. I’m calling a new play. (Sorry couldn’t resist the pun!) We’ve tried a number of different things but really it hit me that instead of keeping it emotional, which is what I feel like we have done as parents by talking or trying to identify feelings, we need to make it a playful time where he can be confident of being refilled in his language not ours. Get ready for a lot more FEE FI FO FUM at our house & anywhere else necessary – Friends beware!
Another is having a more focused reconnection time w/Papi after work. This will probably take place in the form of wrestling or hide & seek and you know the secret weapon…TICKLING!

A charge to any parent reading...adoptive or biological...it is NEVER too late & always appropriate to pour more love into your child!

My parental must reads relevant to any family but especially so for adoptive families (If you have kids now I suggest reading in this order if you are newly adopting I would reverse it.):
Connected Parenting: Set Loving Limits and Build Strong Bonds with Your Child for Life by Jennifer Kolari
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
I Love You Rituals by Becky A. Bailey

Okay...well you are probably reading this b/c I have contacted you in some way letting you know that I am resurrecting the ole blog again.  It is so easy to let life get in the way & keep me from posting.  I'm sure none of you have ever had life get in the way though...LOL!  

I am pleased to say that we are fully approved & awaiting placement of the next Burney Bundle.  This process is far different from D.'s.   Although the waiting in some ways is the same it is also different.  Before we had pictures of our little Guatapeep & updates to hold us through the labyrinth of paperwork & international hoops.  This time the waiting is quiet.  There is nothing to do but prepare ourselves and be generally patient.  

Not feeling led to any other country & feeling that God continued to open our hearts  & understanding to U.S. adoptions, we are adopting domestically.  The main difference in the waiting is that there is no "queue" so to speak.  It has nothing to do when our paperwork was done & if we are open to gender or awaiting a specific gender.  It is all about the coming together of a new family by plan & choice & I'm sure quite a bit of God's design!  Our information is available for birth families to review.  When a birth family reviews & thinks we are "the one" family for them...then we meet & see if it's the right match for us all.
The average of this process is about 12 months of waiting time.  We know of families that end up receiving a call to go to the hospital today & others that have waited 18+ months. 

How can you handle the unknown or the anticipation?!  Great question...Ultimately we have peace & confidence in God.  We have done everything we can do now it is about having confidence in knowing that His timing is the best for us, our new little one, & the birth family.

We have learned so much...yet again. And I'm sure we will continue to learn. We welcome any questions you have & thank you for your continued love & support both near & far as we grow our family & humbly love on those who need us most.
Blessings & love...The B Fam

I miss my little baby and I love my little boy!  D. continues to amaze us with his creativity and clever mind.  I can say that we are officially potty trained. Believe it or not...Disneyland was a huge stepping stone.  We had him use pull ups while there just in case...Never had a single accident.  Since then the same...well w/o the pull ups!  He has Diego underpants.  Yes, I thought it was hilarious so I couldln't resist.  J.D. also bought him superhero underpants as well.   He loves to jump...still...and run and drive his truck and play in the sand.  His vocabulary is funny.   He talks about taking his animals to the "hossapull" and putting band-aids on them. And now he is "Docker Burney."  Getting out his thermometer shaking his head & saying..."Somebody has a feeverr." He will pretend to "spit out a vomit" which sounds like "spit out a bonnet".  He worries when the neighbors "are talking to him" during naptime (his window is right next to our neighbor who is in/out constantly).  He recently, after talking about being able to talk to God anywhere, started telling me the story about Jesus walking on water..."And Jesus, was standing on the water and the guy came out and way-ah way-ah way-ah  SSSSHHHHH!"  Wow. That was a first.  Interesting rendition.

So here is a re-cap of his fun bday party w/Colorado friends and cousins & the home party.  It was so nice of our new friends to join us.  This is the 1st year that he has really understood what the candles and the party and the presents are all about so it was fun to share that joy w/others. Enjoy the show... http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4d5455344e446b344e6a593d0d0a&blogview=true 

For about 3 days prior to our trip, each time we left the apt, D would ask..."We going to Disneywand?"  It was fun to see his anticipation building for his special trip. 

For us we enjoyed the experience of Disneyland thru his eyes.  We watched many an awed moment and many smiles.  We watched as D fearlessly approached all the giant characters with hugs, high-fives and thank-yous.  We watched him get silly dancing, running around, and singing.  We laughed as the main treat he wanted and asked for was...C-A-N-D-Y.  Well...there was one time he deviated from candy...in the evening when they had all of the cool light up toys. "I want that!" We went expecting him to pick out his gift but ended up observing his interests and showing up with fun surprises.  The light up sword and the bubble blower are out of this world for him.  He's going to keep me busy making bubble solution!

We were the naive parents taking him on seemingly harmless rides that could have been on a 2 year old fear factor list.  We were brave parents riding rides joyfully while internally alarmed or sickened.  We were the fun parents up for anything he was interested in. We were the psycho parents chasing Chip & Dale, one of D's faves, around town square relentlessly trying to capture a picture w/our phone camera (see page 3 of the photos). 

What were his faves??? The Carosel, Rockets, Teacups, Trains, Tiki Room, Parades & Fireworks (Boom!)

What impressed me as a parent?  For the number of people and constant use...that is one clean facility.  I didn't worry about him suddenly dropping to the ground and discovering a disgusting unwanted treat.  There were no gum spots... anywhere...you know the tell-tale circles you see everwhere else in public places that you try to avoid stepping in?  It was so refreshing to be able to sit anywhere and enjoy a beautiful park.  Of course, the "Cast Members" were great too.  Everyone wanted to know where you're from and how you're enjoying your magical day and is there anything they can do to make it more magical.  Cast Members constantly acknowledged our volunteer service and Diego's 1st time visit with gratitude, excitement and a genuine interest.  Attitude is everything and it truly is the happiest place on earth.  Walt would be proud.

Thanks Disney for coming up with your brilliant service idea and inspiring 1 million people to serve in their communities.  We are enjoying serving our troops @ the USO and absolutely loved our Disney Day in return!

The last thing I remember upon going to bed last night was being snuggled up next to my dear husband.  A tradition now  resurrected only after have left the on-going desert heat.  As I began waking this morning, I rolled to my side and suddenly, right in my ear, was the breath of my love.  I giggled a bit to myself and let myself enjoy the silly moment of rythmic breathing punctuated periodically by soft stuffy nose snores.  As I was letting myself drift back into my own dreams, I heard the gentle footsteps of my little love.  My reaction...oh no. This is going to be trouble. 

Now this might seem mean initially, however, the side note here is that D. has been quite challenging regarding bedtime as of late.  He has been procrastinating bedtime, trying to sleep w/us or talk us into sleeping with him.  Last night had been particulary exhausting.

However, something unexpected happened.  Instead of coming to mama's side of the bed...the bathroom light went on. Hmm. That's not a typical D. move.  Meanwhile the relaxed breathing continued next to me.  Then another strange thing happened.  The shower started. Ok. Time to open your eyes.  I turned my head  gently and discovered that it was not my dear husband next to me but my sweet boy, nestled perfectly in between us and taking up 80% of my pillow. More internal giggling.  As J.D. exited the bathroom, I waved him over and pointed to our precious treasure.  "When did this happen?" I asked.  "While I was taking my shower I guess." He replied. "Nope, he was here when you got out of bed."  We both smiled and laughed a bit.  Stealth Diego.

I remained in bed enjoying my unexpected and angelic snugglefest...until he rolled over---onto my face.  There was no denying I was now awake.  Time to get up and use my time alone to...blog of course!

Don't forget to click on the photos tab to see our "year in review".  Looks to be a snowy cold V-day here for us! Brrr...all the better to snuggle w/my guys--and probably the cats if D. is being sweet.  Despite the chilly weather, we are enjoying the fun that snow brings.  There is nothing more hypnotic than a quiet snowfall.  I love it.  I can also be mesmerized when the snowflakes are so tiny yet look just like all of those crazy cut outs we did in grade school.  God is truly amazing in His creation.  May this year bring you joy abundantly!  Blessings...

Nia Vardalos recently became a mom thru adoption.  Here is a link to her reflection of the journey thru and purpose of adoption.  Many of her thoughts I have said myself.  I know that we are exactly the family that God wanted us to be!   I am so thankful that His plans are my plans.  Oh, gotta go my little man is calling now... read and enjoy!   http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20277865,00.html

Diego is two pics: http://smilebox.com/playEmail/4f546b784f446b794e6e77794d444d304d446b314e673d3d0d0a&sb=1

So now is our time to brag about how amazing our little Diego is! He has been a "sign"-aholic since June of last year. In Dec of 08 he started combining his words and signs.  Now sometimes if we give him a blank stare as he says something to us verbally...he looks at us patiently and does the sign like duh come on guys! He often combines 2 word sentences and occasionally wows us w/a three word sentence. Since initially writing this a couple of months ago...he has started trying to ask for things saying/signing "May, I up?" It's so cool to watch him put concepts into practice! His understanding of complex directions and explanations is amazing.

Funny things he says... Buh-Blow for 007 our cat. Me Me for excuse me. Eee-peen for airplane. Heart for vitamin. (???) His most used Spanish word is "juevo" (aka egg) For "love you" he says "Ma-mo" (his version of Te amo which he says to an English or Spanish initiation). He also recently made up a sign for carwash (which sounds like hogwash when he speaks it). He pretends or talks about carwashes pretty much all day long.:wink:

He knows 2 shapes...circles and hearts. He's testing out colors but always gets orange correct. He's really starting to pick up counting in English & Spanish. The other morning he counted as he scooped blueberries for a smoothie. I was working in the background and he correctly took himself up to 6 as he counted his scoops! He's also starting to get into ABC's in English & Sign.

He is quite a charismatic little guy. He has such a twinkle in his eye and is becoming more adept at his pretending. Dogs are his principle players cats are a close second. Although he often pretends he is a cat. He makes friends wherever he goes...but is not always sure what to do with "playmates." He is definitely at his point of testing limits. We have to repeat no a lot and he has had some unfortunate experiences w/time out. Overall he remains a very loving and pleasant child...and quite obedient (we will not complain!)

Our biggest recent event was putting him in a "big boy" bed as of his birthday. He gets us up earlier now-- not a parental fave. haha We had fun with this rite of passage. Leif made him a quilt to match his room (see the pics page for that) and we took pictures and both put him to bed. He has only had a couple of times where he has been out of bed disobediently...We say "Success!" He loves his bed.

Recently, I woke up to a "creature" at my feet. I, Leif, wondered...kid or cat? After a few moments I decided...kid. So I was waiting for the crawl up to cuddle. As Diego got up to the bed on all fours, J.D. seeminly passed out, suddenly flies to the ready extends his arm w/a bone pillow and "THWAP" firmly pegs Diego! Puzzled and blind without his contacts in, J.D. stares at the motionless "cat" as I begin to laugh hysterically and Diego, stunned, remains motionless. "J.D., you just hit our child!" Amazingly Diego did not cry at all but crawled into my arms as J.D. plead his apologies...and was immediately forgiven.

He is currently potty-training.  The nice thing about this is that he's virtually doing it himself.  We have been really relaxed about the whole thing and have been letting him lead us.  We have all been very happy w/the experience thus far.  He's been toying w/it for the past few weeks but really getting into it the last couple.  This morning I've let him run around "neck-ed" and while I was sitting here typing he ran in and out of the b/room several times...then he ran to me "MOM,MOM!"  Sure enough he had taken care of business!

Well, Diego started walking ~6 days after he turned one!  On April Fool's day actually.  Fooled you mom and dad!  He had a complete blast at his bday party which we held at the park on the perfect AZ spring day.  15 kiddos and their parents plus other friends and family were in attendance.  Festivities included the chicken dance, hokey pokey and of course a pinata!  Diego had his first massive sugar attack w/a chocolate cupcake that was decorated by his Colorado Cousins.  Diego absolutely loved loved loved having the big boy cousins around and wandered the house looking for them after the weekend was over.

We were able to take a family trip out the East Coast and were able to get in some quick but fun visits with the Burney side of the family.  We had some time at the beach and in GA.  The best part was that we were able to see and spend some time w/each person in J.D.'s fam.  We're so thankful for that!  It was fun to see Diego really start developing those important relationships.  He certainly loves being the center of attention! 

We also saw him really developing his communication skills on the trip as he was going sign language crazy; signing "more" "food" & "please" constantly (although more actually meant...I WANT).  He waves bye and blows kisses...if you're a really special person you get a kiss on the lips!  He also now signs "cracker" "milk" "all done" and "help".  He has also started combining signs like "more please" & "eat milk".

He is in what we call a "sponge" stage...soaking up all kinds of learning from sounds to gestures and understanding language.  It's scary how much he understands and how much he feigns understanding!   He is into his gross motor skills and will walk/push/climb all day and he cannot understand why we like to take breaks for nap time!?

What about us???  Well, if we thought he was fun before he is even more so now.  And, more challenging as he asserts his will more frequently!  However his smiles and silliness, curiosity and loving ways make it easy to forget...maybe not so much for the cats though! haha   He reamins an easy kiddo and a joy to parent.  The biggest challenge is balancing what needs to get done with all of the new things he just pulled out to play with.  Now even more so in this crazy heat!  J.D. is trying to finish up studying for his CFP exam in July and Leif is trying to manage while the study flurry reigns on.  However, J.D. is man of the hour...if he is around then Mama is chopped liver.  It is so neat to see their special relationship grow and flourish.  And it certainly makes a great treat after all of those intense study sessions!

New pics are on display enjoy...  Much love

p.s. don't get confused by the early Diego pics thrown in...I just couldn't resist looking at the changes...there are more updated pics after them

Well month nine started w/the Croup.  That is one childhood sickness we do not need to experience again.  Of course it also happened over the New Year holiday so the timing was perfectly horrible in terms of getting in to the Dr?it was also the first week I returned back to work.

While we were waiting to see the Doctor, Diego looked across the room and started waving at a lady sitting in the waiting room.  We also made friends w/a  biker dude.  Nothing like a cute face to pave a road thru differences.  2 more teeth this month this; time on top.  A middle and a side tooth.  The huge news?he learned to crawl one night right before bed.  So cute b/c he just scoots around like a choo choo train and looks so petite b/c he?s no longer stretched out flat.  He also has a great little lion roar and when he sees the cats he roars and starts after them.  They move to higher ground pretty quickly.   Not only is he crawling but he is pulling himself up to stand and can cruise along.  This happened w/in the same day as the crawling.  He also wants us to ?walk? him around everywhere.  He is actually quite good w/his footsteps it?s just his balance that keeps him from doing it all alone!!!! We?re in trouble.  His roar is so funny b/c if you initiate he will go back and forth with you for quite some time.  I also see him using that as an expression for when he gets frustrated.  His problem solving skills are really developing and he is beginning to enter the object permanence stage?he also wants to eat everything we eat?so another motivation to stay on our best behavior!   Diego has also started initiating more ?play? with us.  The other day in the hall he was crawling away and I said ?Where are you going?? he sat up, looked at me got a michievous look and set off crawling faster?I said ?I?m gonna get you!? and he tried crawling faster but got so excited that he became uncoordinated and ended up not going anywhere.

We are happy to report that we have suffered thru our first experience (because I am not na?ve enough to think it is the last) with separation anxiety.  I think it was only about a month but wow, when it is happening for every nap and bedtime?we thought it was never-ending.  Thanks for all the prayers! 

His transition continues to go well and he is such a happy, smiley, talkative (in Diego language of course) baby.  We are soaking up every moment.